ScuzzBlog: Diaries January 2021
Entry 14th January 2021: Post 1: Apple ][e - Not the cash register.
Apple ][e - Not the cash register.
This is a true story ... [ or not ]
In 1976 a bunch of nerds were quietly dragging a large trunk of
electrical junk they had pilfered from the Home Brew Junk Convention
in Palo Alto. The group were set upon by a gang calling themselves
the 'WineSaps' led by a nutter called 'Jobs'. They cornered the
four and took from their hands leaflets promoting Steins Gate.
'What the f*ck is ANIME ?'.... One nerd called Steve stepped forward ..
'Me, Tim, Kim and Freidl here have just been to the cinema club
and that's what is showing'. 'But it says 2009 here ' Jobs wasn't
convinced ' What's in the trunk '. They broke it open to find loads
of electronic gadgets. 'Take them boys'.
The four plus the trunk were thrown into the back of a VWMicrobus.
After a short journey to 6502 Kildall, Mountain View, Sunnydale
or just simply the 'Byte Shop' they were cast into a dark basement
and chained to heating pipework. Jobs was convinced these guys
could make him a cash register. His motley group were apple traders
and their cash machine was bust.
Jobs grabbed the one guy by the throat ' What's your name ?' The
guy replied 'Steve... Steve Wozniak'. Jobs tightened his grip and
looked at an old wooden cash register smashed on the bench. ' You
are gonna make me a new cash register or we are going to lock the
door and never let you out '. The guy agreed.
The gang left and the four pondered their fate. Freidle was strugg-
ling with his heart unable to cope. Tim suggested they make him a
new heart plus some armour and they should bust their way out. Steve
thought better.
'Listen I have my old HP-65 here and I bet we could fashion something,
better. And if we make it complex enough just maybe we could convince
them to let us demonstrate upstairs and that way get away '
Kim retorted ... 'Bonkers idea but worth a shot. Chuck in some
peddles and it may just work'
A few days past and soon they were ready to show their new cash
register. Gleaming wood they managed to talk the gang into letting
them demonstrate when the shop was full. Many were in the store
buying fruit and particularly apples. Jobs called on Steve to
show off his gleaming cash till... The other three snuck outside
and had already fired up the VW when Jobs moved to the bogus cash
register which he dubbed the Pippin. As Jobs switched on the
contraption he realised he had been duped and Steve was already
out the door and making for the VW... He threw his calculator at
Jobs screaming ' Sucker ' and was off in the van and racing away.
Jobs was so angry and yelled out ' What the furk am I going to do
with this load of crap ? '.
A dark shadowy character by the name of Hououin Kyoma offered his
services to use the machine. And so the Pippin cash register was
born along with the Apple Store and jobs became its first true
genius and the rest is history. For his efforts Kyoma received
the HP-65 and the VWMicrobus , which legend has it was turned into
a time machine ... or a DeLorean. Not sure. As for Wozniak he was
last seen hurtling into the sky aboard a silver gleaming VW and
was screaming ' I'll be back '.
And the moral to this story .. We all become ethereal one day so why worry.
Roll credits ..The Eagles Already Gone 1976 Hotel California
Apple ][e - Not the cash register.
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